Not Talking To Dad

It’s been months since I’ve spoken to dad. I no longer ring their home as I don’t want to get him on the phone but I would like to talk to mum now and then. Instead I write her emails and she writes back. I know dad reads them but at least I don’t have to talk to him. I wouldn’t know what to say anymore and it would just be awkward.

He still insists he’s done nothing wrong but when you have not one, not two, but three daughters who all say the same thing, how can you hold any doubt that what they say is true? When only one was saying it, and she is my step-daughter, I didn’t know what to believe and couldn’t help thinking perhaps she’d mixed up something in her young mind and confused the facts. When her sister later confirmed and gave more details I was faced with the fact that my dad had certainly done something wrong and I had to accept that. And when a third confirmed it, one of my own daughters, I began to see my father as someone I no longer knew, an animal who dared to touch his own granddaughters (step or not) with his fantasies – things that they should never have been included a part of.

The girls are in their 20s now and it happened preteen to all of three of them. There is no way these girls would make up something like this and then carry it on all these years into adulthood. And what my husband and I have read and learnt in the past months is that young children don’t make those things up. How could they possibly know and describe what they had if they hadn’t been introduced to something like that?

I so much want to go back to the way life used to be, when I used to love and adore my father but I’ve lost him and I would much rather it had been through death than through something like this. My heart grieves so much and I still don’t know how to get over it – will I ever?

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