Moving on… sometimes
I haven’t posted here for some time. It’s never far from my mind but I manage to keep it behind me… most of the time.
Our girls have been getting on with their lives for the most part, but periodically things come out. One has broken up with a boyfriend and we thought that this was at her instigation and she was happy but a few weeks ago she had a night out with workmates, too much to drink, and it all came flooding back to her. She did some things she would never normally do if she was sober - it scared both her father and me. We can thank God that it all turned out ok and she was protected.
Another daughter has gone back to counselling but she doesn’t share what about. Can’t help wondering if it’s all about this. She’s in her mid 20s, never had a boyfriend and her dad is the only male she’ll come close to. Doing her studies, trying to get work, it’s probably all crowding in on her.
And the third seems happy in her work and social life but won’t let any guys get close. She has a mouth that tends to scare guys off - she can give back as good as they give and lots more. It will have to be a very caring, and patient man who captures her heart. She jokes about it all but underneath I can’t help thinking my father is responsible for this.
Our girls should have had normal happy teenage lives and in regular circumstances they should all have happy relationships too by now. Our other two daughters (one older, one younger) are both married and happy… and were not touched by my father. Kind of makes you think, doesn’t it?
Recent events with a group I belong to online has indicated someone like my father has been hanging around the group. It immediately conjours up all sorts of ideas and thoughts amongst others as the word gets around and immediately I begin to view every male on the list as suspicious. I know I shouldn’t but can’t help it. It’s the same when I’m out in the street and see older men walking or shuffling along - someone who could be in the same age group as my dad. I wonder if their grandkids were safe with them as my kids should have been with their’s.
June 4th, 2008 at 12:23 am
Thank you for your blog. I too have found little support out there for the parents of children who go through something like this. About 4 months ago my daughter who is still a toddler told me my fiance had been sexually inappropriate with her. We were living with him at the time and so lost our home and financial support & ended up living temporarily in a homeless shelter. What has hurt more than anything was loosing our family. He and his two sons had been a part of my life for 6 years - my daughter still refers to them as “daddy” and “my brothers”. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions - I’ve experienced anger that I never knew possible. My friends and family don’t understand it and have, unfortunately, often been the victims of it as it has been very surprising to me and tends to come out before I even realize it. I’ve had much difficulty finding a job because I am just not myself. Previously, I had been a strong person. But it seems no amount of strength can get me back to interacting normally with people again. I wish you well as you continue to work through your grief. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I know I am not alone.
October 17th, 2008 at 3:07 am
Thank you J for visiting and sharing. Know you’re not alone. So sorry I didn’t find your message straight away - I don’t come back here as often as I used to. But this message is important for many and I want to get the word out there. I’ll be visiting more often now.